Love Always, Hermione Jane
by Draconitus
Summary: This is just a little ficlet that follows Hermione after a terrible breakup with Draco.  R&R UPDATED FOR BETTER UNDERSTANDING Draco's POV coming soon


1/25  
Dearest Diary,  
Hello! Seeing as you are a new diary I may as well introduce myself. My name is Hermione Jane Granger, but I do prefer Hermione Jane. I am currently in my sixth year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I am dating a certain Draco Malfoy, who surprisingly has no middle name. I suppose I ought to explain how, I, a muggleborn Gryffindor, ended up dating Draco, a pureblood Slytherin. It all really began when he discovered me coming out of the Room of Requirement, which I use as my art/dance studio. The room, sensing me leaving and him entering, began to change before I had quite left, and I saw what it became for him- a calm room with a couch and a muggle television. It turns out our very own Draco Malfoy is addicted to Grey's Anatomy. Go figure. I ended up watching it with him the next week, and we began talking about his father and mother, and about my equally overbearing parents. I learned he wasn't the cruel person he seemed to be, in fact- he was only so mean because he was trying to conceal a very powerful crush. We slowly became friends until finally he asked me out. He was still on the dark side, and I was still on the light, but for some reason, the relationship worked for us. Well, it works for now. Anyway, I'm off to Ancient Runes!  
Love Always,  
Hermione Jane

* * *

1/30  
Dearest Diary,  
Maybe I should have knocked on wood after that last entry, but Oliver wasn't around. Ugh, Draco is being such a pig. Just yesterday he snuck off to Hogsmeade with Pansy and Blaise (A/N for the purposes of this story Blaise is a girl) and didn't tell or invite me. I mean, I understand they are friends and all, but it doesn't seem right for him to spend so much time with her when he is dating me. Am I right or am I right? Because I am always right. It just seems to me that lately he is taking me for granted, he treats me like I will always be there for him, and I will as long as he earns and deserves me. I am definitely not one to sit around and wait on him hand and foot like he expects me to. I suppose I shall have to confront him about this. He will most likely promise to change and apologize over and over. Hopefully this time he will understand my needs and expectations. Hopefully.  
Love Always,  
Hermione Jane

* * *

2/4  
Dearest Diary  
Draco hit me today. I guess I will never understand him. Or maybe I will never understand me. I don't understand what I ever did to make him so angry. And he was so angry…

_Draco impatiently taps his foot on the back of Hermione's seat. He grinned, knowing it was bound to annoy her. She looked so cute when she was annoyed. Any minute now…three, two, one_

"_Draco," Hermione whispers, slightly turning, "can you please stop tapping your foot? It's shaking my desk!"_

_Ugh! What is with him? Why is he constantly annoying me lately? And I know he is doing it on purpose! Why isn't he stopping? Maybe he didn't hear me…_

"_Draco! Please stop!" Hermione asked again, this time searching his face for recognition. All she saw was a faint glimmer of amusement in his eye. Deciding to take matters into her own hands she scoots her desk forward so that he can no longer reach it. If he really wanted to tap his foot, he could do it on the floor._

_Draco saw her push her desk slightly forward and smiled. It was working. She was annoyed. He reached his hand forward and pulled her back. She turned around and looked at him, perfect honey brown eyes full of question. He looked back, his amusement plain. _

_What on earth is he playing at? Hermione wondered. He knows he is annoying me and yet he seems to find enjoyment in it! Maybe he didn't quite get the message. She pushed her desk forward once more. Again and more forcefully this time his hand brought her back. Sighing Hermione returned to her work, but his hand was painfully digging into her back. _

"_Draco could you please move your hand? It's hurting my back." Surely he wouldn't refuse that. She did have good reason. But the hand didn't move. She tried once more._

"_Draco your hand is really hurting me. Move it." Again nothing. She had no choice but to pry it off herself. The only problem was that Draco's hand easily had more muscle than her arms. This would be a task. After several minutes of struggling she lightly pinched him, hoping he would move. _

_Draco felt a sharp pain on his hand. That had really hurt! She would pay for that! He clapped his hand on her face, missing her cheek and hitting her ear. She immediately cowered in pain, trying not to cry. Draco should have felt remorse for his actions, he knew, but she had pinched him. No one pinches a Malfoy!_

_Hermione clutched her ear. The pain throbbed. Did he not remember she had an inner ear infection? Even still, he was her boyfriend. He shouldn't be hitting her for any reason. This was definitely not the way a relationship should go. She raised her hand._

"_Professor? May I go to the Hospital Wing? I think my eardrum may be injured."_

"_Of course, Miss Granger, just don't forget the assignment!"_

"_Yes Professor!"_

Ugh. I'm still in pain from that! It turns out the bloke not only injured my eardrum, he busted it! I don't know how I'm going to get through to him. If he doesn't shape up, I am most certainly ending it. It would be a shame though; he used to be so nice and sweet. He used to write me love letters and send them to me every night to read before I went to sleep. He used to kiss my bumps and bruises and make all my pain go away, not cause it!  
Love Always,  
Hermione Jane

* * *

2/7  
Dearest Diary,  
He did the unthinkable today. We are through. I don't really want to talk about it though. I feel so tainted and dirty. I hate him, truly I do.  
Love Always,  
Hermione Jane

* * *

2/8  
Dearest Diary  
It's Hermione Jane. Obviously. Well I did it today. I finally ended things with Draco. His cruel nature and how he took my love for granted finally became too much. I suppose I'll have to stop living in the past like I have been for the past couple of months. I suppose I only just got by for as long as I did by wishing things were as they used to be. And the way, the way he looked at me after I told him it was over. As if I was no more than dirt. A mudblood. Maybe I'm not good enough for him. Maybe that's why he was never satisfied. Maybe he wanted more. Maybe. Or maybe it has nothing to do with that. Maybe he is just too cold and too unfeeling to fall in love. The way he looked at me, the things he said to me… It was at the end of Arithmancy, and I approached him. 'Draco' I said, 'we need to break up'. 'I don't care' that's what he told me. With a laugh! It was as if the past two years had meant nothing at all to him. As if he only saw me as property. And I suppose he did. I was his. His to control. His to order around. And you know the most pathetic part? I didn't mind. I didn't mind so long as I was with him. So long as I was the recipient of his passionate kisses, so long as I got to stroke my hands through his perfect silken hair. Gin, Harry, and Ron will have a field day tomorrow. They never really liked the idea of me with one of our mortal enemies. They'll just feed me that "you don't need him" bull. But I do. I do need him. I need him with every fiber of my being. I've always needed him. He's my addiction.  
Love Always,  
Hermione Jane

* * *

My Dearest Draco,  
Leaving you was the hardest thing I've ever done, because I know we are through forever. And as much as it pains me to see you laughing and flirting with other girls, knowing I will never be among them, I cannot be angry with you. As much as I love you, I cannot expect you to feel the same for me. I'll love you forever despite how you may feel about me. Please don't worry about hurting me, I promise that in time I will heal. As much as I want answers, I know they won't change anything. I'm sorry if I'm cruel or hurtful, it's just the only way I know to keep from crying. I promise that no matter how things go from here, I will look back on these two years as the best of my life. I'll think back on our memories together with a smile, and remember how no one ever thought we'd end up together. I'll remember when I first realized I had feelings for you and how much that scared me. I'll remember how we tried to keep it a secret, and how Ginny yelled at me when she found out the truth. I'll remember our first date in Hogsmead—Zonko's, fizzing whizbees, and "who's Sherlock?" I'll remember our first kiss, under a tree by the lake. I'll remember all of our stupid fights, our midnight meetings in the room of requirement, and all of our laughs. I'll remember the winter holidays at Malfoy Manor, and your adorable love poems. I'll remember the first time you said "I love you," and how I knew it was true. I'll remember how you sat through countless muggle chick flicks just to please me. I'll remember our weeklong breakups, until we realized we had to be together. And then I'll remember January 2nd, the night you first broke my heart, and how even though we got back together, it never was the same. And I'll remember February 8th, when we ended it for good. I'll see your face in the future and I'll smile, remembering the two years with you as the best of my life.  
Always,  
Hermione Jane

2/14  
Dearest Diary,  
Okay, so I never actually meant to send that letter to him. But it was Valentines Day, and well next thing I know I'm off borrowing Hedwig! Looking back on this diary, I realize that I'm STILL living in the past. I mean, how can I still feel for him, after the things he did to me? How can I still long to be with him, when it took all of my power to be able to walk away?  
Love Always,  
Hermione Jane

* * *

3/11  
Dearest Diary,  
I'm done pretending. I loved and I lost. Period. The End. I was so naïve. I cannot believe I trusted him. I cannot believe I thought he loved me. It seems to me that love and hate are very near to being the same thing; you see—I hate him because I love him. There is this hole in my heart that cannot be filled no matter how hard I try by flirting with other boys. Those same boys fool me into thinking they may be interested in me—and the WHAM! They tell me they're dating a fifth year! Ronald pushed so hard to get me to break up with Draco and then doesn't make a move. I'm more than ready. It's been a month. Merlin! Is that right? A whole month of loneliness? A whole month of tears? I miss him so much. I see him with Pansy and I just want that back so bad. I want to feel his arm around my waist, his hand on my knee, he lips pressed against my neck, my fact buried in his chest. But it's over, for good. I don't think I could even be friends with him. Honestly I don't. Every time I see him it all just comes rushing back. How he hurt me deeper than I ever thought he could. Not so much physical pain really. What hurts the most was the names he called me. Mudblood. Bitch. You name it, he called me it.  
Love Always,  
Hermione Jane

* * *

3/20

Small feet  
Precious and tender  
Stumble upon a thorn in their path  
Those same feet  
Create armor  
Guarding what was once pure  
That thorn could never again harm them

A rose  
Budding in spring  
Free from thorns  
Nibbled by a deer  
The rose grows her thorns  
Only to protect her precious petals  
From harm

My heart  
Caring and giving  
Untouched by a man  
Is broken into pieces  
It heals, but the scars  
Ensure the same hurt  
Would never again happen

But you see  
There is a flaw  
For the scars prevent me  
From loving again

To Draco, the only one who ever captured my heart, and never freed it from its barb wire snare.

Love Always,  
Hermione Jane

* * *

4/19

No more tears, I promise myself  
Then why can't I stop them  
From pouring down my cheeks?  
Why can't I control my emotions?  
Why can't my feelings dissipate?  
But do I feel for you?  
Or am I still hurt from you?  
I really don't know  
It is different with him.  
Shallow. Fake.  
We had something real.  
Rare. Love.  
I thought I had stopped this  
But really, I just hadn't thought about it

Love Always,  
Hermione Jane

* * *

5/20  
Dearest Diary,  
I dreamt we got back together last night. It was the best dream I've had in awhile. Full of warmth. I miss that. I miss feeling arms tighten around me. I miss hearing his voice in my ear. But did any of that happen? Or am I just romanticizing what was there because I miss feeling anything at all? I feel empty. It's been almost four months and I'm still not over him.  
Love Always,  
Hermione Jane

* * *

6/2  
Goodbye Diary.  
Farewell. I shall no longer be writing in you. It is too hard to go on without that key piece of my heart he stole. I want him to hear the news and be gripped with sorrow and guilt. Which is why I am writing this. Yes Draco, it is your fault. You caused this. You made me end things. I hope you are pleased with yourself. More importantly, I hope you are miserable. There is a bottle of sleeping pills beside me and a full bath waiting. No one will find me for hours. By then I will be gone.  
Love Always,  
Hermione Jane 


End file.
